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(and love it) [Tuesday February 17th, 2009] [ mood | frustrated ] So today I came across a blog on the internet which is about VHMET which stands for the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement. As the name indicated, this movement is about humans not reproducing for the benefit of the environment. Although at first glance I thought wow, if people knew about this maybe our population growth wouldn't be such a concern, after thinking for a minute I realized, most people don't give a shit about the environment. It is in human nature to want to get married and have children, but for environmentalist out there: are uou taking this into consideration? People involved in this movement say that instead of having our population grow and grow and eventually provoke an extreme disaster such as a plague or superbug that wipes us and other species out as well, we will go quietly with VHMET. I do believe that the ideas behind this movement are well thought out, however for us to not have such a large impact on the environment we don't need to go extinct. It is thought that having 500,000-1,000,000 people on earth would be the most beneficial population to try to not harm the environment. But population is not the only concern. If all humans lived like we do in Canada and the US then our planet would already be obliterated. However if we learn to have less energy needs and more care for conservation AS WELL as our overpopulation, there is no need for human extinction to be voluntary or occur in the near future. If our governments could start worrying about the planet as much as they worry about the war in Afghanistan or our economy, then our planet would already be on the road to recovery.

(and love it) [Sunday June 22nd, 2008] so this week was kinda crazy i havent really done anything  but so much stuff has happened i slept over at ed and marys on thursday and sat with grandma almost all night shes just skin and bones now, its fucked up and it seriously just reminded me of the line "love is watching someone die" by death cab it was so sad but i knew i shouldnt cry infront of her because even mary and her nurses were saying she doesnt feel ready to die and that shes scared so i didnt really want to be all emotional infront of her giving her more of a reason not to want to go because we're not ready to let her go if that makes any sense.... then on friday i did a drive with my mom to hamilton and ended up taking the kids to the hospital for an appointment which was also fucked up cuz it was the same hospital austin was at, the same hospital we spent a month at and my mom and i walked off the elevator and froze an audible "woah" actually came out of my mouth because neither of us has been back there.... it was just really weird, brought back a wave of feelings on the up side, im quiting smoking and high school is FINALLY done and im oddly happy for once, even though its not the right time to be but there is reason to be

(and love it) [Tuesday March 4th, 2008] its just a prospect but i cant stop thinking about if its hopeful or not and i definitely hope i dont fuck myself over there but ive made up my mind and i hate waiting did i mention that im the most impatient person you will ever meet?

(and love it) [Thursday February 28th, 2008] why are you so confusing why cant you make up your mind because i do want to move slow since im afraid of crashing into a wall full speed i dont know where were going so how could we move fast you need to make up your mind i understand where you're coming from but for once i'm actually glad that im not the one confused i wish there just wasn't any confusion at all i wish things could be simple but whats ever simple these days?

(and love it) i need a life [Saturday February 16th, 2008]  1. First thing you wash in the shower? my hair or face 2. What color is your favorite hoodie? grey 3. Favorite coffee? tims double double 5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? alrite 6. Whats the last letter of your crush’s name? n 7. Do you say aim or a-i-m? if i had ever said it id say aim 8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? it involved me being drunk but i dont really remember anything else 9. Could you eat your favorite food everyday for a month? obviously 10. What are you craving? sushi 11. Do you floss? no 12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? your mom 15. Would you dance with me to the taco song? id dance with myself 16. Have you ever counted to 1,000? no 17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? lick it 18. Do you use smilies? too much 20. Have you ever met a celebrity? i dont think so 21. Do you like cottage cheese? no 22. What’s the last song you had stuck in your head? low, ew 23. How many countries have you visited? i think 7? 24. Are your parents strict? no 25. Would you go sky diving? yah man, when i turn 18 this summer! 26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? fuck no 27. Would you throw potatoes at him? yah 28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? a shiny gift box 30. Do you rent movies often? no 31. Who sits behind you in your math class? Laxy!! 34. Can you count backwards from 74? yes 35. Where are you going to be Saturday night? i dont know what im doing tonight 36. Brown or white eggs? neither 37. Do you listen to rap? some 38. Ever taken a train? go-train lol 39. Experienced the twin towers falling in New York? from my tv 41. What day of the week is it? saturday 42. What was your lunch? breakfast at 12 - chinese food 43 What is your best friend doing tomorrow? probably sitting on her ass cuz she has no life =P 45. Ever have cream puffs? huh? 46. Have you ever seen the Butterfly Effect? yes 47. So, how about them Yankees? there pretty sweet 50. What is your bus number for school? infinity 51. Is your hair curly? yes 52. Last time you cried? iuno 53. Ever walked into a wall? yes 55. Have you ever bought anything from PacSun? i dont think so 56. Are you currently wearing socks? yes 57. Favorite time of the year? summer/fall 59. Are you a generally happy person? yes 60. Are you wearing jeans? no 61. The next person you’ll hold hands with? iuno 62. Do you sleep with the TV on? only when i pass out 63. Have you ever drank alcohol straight from the bottle? yes 64. Do you think you’re old? no 65. Are you afraid of the dark? only after scary movies 66. Do you like your life right now? could be better 67. When’s the last time you chose a bath over a shower? a few months ago 68. Do you knock on wood? sure 69. Do you have good vision? yes 70. Is he hot? fuck yes 71. Could you ever forgive a cheater? probably not 72. Do you have a job? yes 73. Describe your best friends? there crazy 74. What brands are you wearing? who wears clothes these days 75. Can I tap that? if you dont say tap that then yes 76. Have you ever crawled through a window? yes 77. Can you handle the truth? yes 78. What was the most recent thing you bought? alcohol 79. How often do you talk on the phone? not a lot 80. Are you in a complicated relationship? no 81. Do you hate more than 3 people? hate is a strong word 82. Have you ever tripped someone? yes 83. Are you sarcastic? yes 84. Have you ever slapped someone? yes 85. Hey? grey 86. Do you use chap stick? yes 87. Are you too forgiving? yes 88. Do you own something from Hot Topic? no 89. Do you own a gun? yah its tucked into my pants right now? 90. Have you made a prank phone call? yes 91. Have you ever been in a castle? yes 92. Do you like your hair? meh 93. Do you like yourself? yes 94. Are you closer to your mother or father? father 95. Do you chat on AIM often? never 97. Do you want anyone? yes 98. What's the closest thing to you that's red? a dictionary =S 99. Does your crush comment your myspace? no 100. Do you comment theirs? no

(and love it) [Friday January 4th, 2008] [ mood | confused ] im so unhappy with myself lately and i do nothing to make it better to fix the things i wish i wasnt losing i dont even care enough anymore about anything this is the wrong time to screw up and i feel myself sinking lower and lower each day and it makes me a bad person i wish i was enjoying myself but this charade has gotten old and i have no clue what i want other than what im fucking over

(and love it) [Tuesday December 4th, 2007] 1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? bad hair day 2. How much cash do you have on you? 20? 3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR?" whore 4. Favorite planet? uranus! 5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? cell phones are a sell out! 6. What is your favorite ring on your phone? my cell phone.... 7. What shirt are you wearing? a long sleeve striped one? 8. Do you "label" yourself? definitely not 9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing? converse 10. Bright or Dark Room? bright =), but one wall is black with green polka dots 11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? shes pretty sweet 13. What were you doing at midnight last night? i felt really sick in bed =( 14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? my cell phone..... 15. Where is your nearest 7-11? no clue lol 16. What's a word that you say a lot? alritey lmfao, i wish i didnt 17.Who told you he/she loved you last? probably erika since i just said bye to her 18. Last furry thing you touched? my jacket lol, NOT REAL FUR 19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? none 20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? none 21. Favorite age you have been so far? probably grade 9 however old i was then, even though i was a faggot 22. Your worst enemy? i dont have an enemy 23. What is your current desktop picture? ummm some post it notes on a fridge 24. What was the last thing you said to someone? no, its an advertisement 25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be? FLY! i could be famous and make money anyways 26. Do you like someone? not really 27. The last song you listened to? take cover - acceptance

(and love it) [Friday November 30th, 2007] uhg not in a good mood, i fuckin hate when this happens im in the perfect setting to have a good time and i fuck it up why do i always have to think about the past

(and love it) [Tuesday November 27th, 2007] emotions are weird ive felt so many different ones in the past few weeks that i can't even start to label ive never felt this way and i have no idea what it is its just nothingness and a blank mind staring at nothing in particular i feel whole but its not something that i enjoy maybe its everything mixed together but maybe its nothing brains are fucked i dont know what to do with myself nothing has changed in my life really but im changing anyways...

(and love it) [Friday November 16th, 2007] tonight was probably the gayest night of my life im so sick of high school and high school drama and stupid skanks and people over-reacting about nothing on the other hand just chillin with the beat roaring was hilarious listening to old tunes with megan earlier and getting my tattoo was amazing because now its more permanent that i will always have a piece of you with me today had its ups and downs but overall it was just another day

(and love it) [Sunday November 11th, 2007] that's what you get when you let you're heart win i hate how i only ever see the good side of people the side that i like i hate being one of those people that only see what they want to see even after i know what someones like i still try to make excuses for them and tell myself that they're not lying to me i reallly dont like you right now.... P.S. i'm so sad i didn't end up getting my tattoo this weekend =(

(and love it) [Monday November 5th, 2007] im not even angry at that reply it just makes me wish you could have told me that 4 months ago!

(and love it) [Monday November 5th, 2007] i wish life wasn't about stupid shit problems arise that mean nothing such as school i stress out over everything then remember that its just a number then remember that these numbers determine what i do next year  and where i go from there... too much thinking i wish i could just use my time as i wished and not go to school i would be so content with life even if it was a bit boring

(and love it) [Friday October 26th, 2007] this week is over, i survived

(and love it) [Tuesday October 16th, 2007] a month and a half will this ever feel real? or will i keep passing every day not understanding why this happened fuck there being a reason for everything how could there be for death at one and a half?

(and love it) [Saturday September 22nd, 2007] [ music | detah cab ] And it came to me then that every plan Is a tiny prayer to father time As I stared at my shoes in the ICU That reeked of piss and 409 And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself That I’ve already taken too much today As each descending peak on the LCD Took you a little farther away from me Away from me Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines In a place where we only say goodbye It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend On a faulty camera in our minds And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose Than to have never lain beside at all And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground As the TV entertained itself ‘Cause there’s no comfort in the waiting room Just nervous faces bracing for bad news And then the nurse comes ‘round and everyone lift their heads But I’m thinking of what Sarah said That love is watching someone die So who’s gonna watch you die? So whos gonna watch you die ( love you austin )

(and love it) [Sunday September 16th, 2007] thats just the way it is? i refuse to accept this living as someone else in some else's body living in despair and longing for someone to come back from the dead i can't do this i can't stand this any longer i can't pretend i'm alright while i'm dying inside i can't go on everyday knowing that you're not here with me and knowing that i'll never be with you again it doesn't work

(1 are decadent | and love it) [Sunday September 2nd, 2007] why does the world around me seem to be crumbling down everything is wrong you're gone and i don't know what to do every second i feel different and why the fuck is the word "dead" so hard to say

(and love it) [Thursday August 30th, 2007] and this consumes my whole life while i just wish i could feel normal again and care about things that normal teenagers care about like boys and my body image do you think i care anymore because you're horribly mistaken i wish that this feeling of lonliness would go away and this feeling that i will never be whole again but i doubt that it will ever cease to consume me even if it's only at times in the future right now, it's all that i have to hold on to in this forsaken life im living

(and love it) [Tuesday August 28th, 2007] the pain will not kill you living in your head, without anything to numb you living on the edge, without anything to numb you i cant do this any longer i cant wait for you to die ive already said my goodbyes  and your ready to go its inevitable that you will but ill let you take your time ill take as long as i can with you even though it hurts more than anything

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